27 Jun 2002 @ 11:20 PM 

Who sang that song, “I Spy” from like 1986 or so? The cover of the album had a guy in a fedora or something. “I spy for the FBI, I spy for the CIA, I spy for MI5…”

Once again, I feel the need to make it perfectly clear that not all of the intelligence community is James Bond. I just got an absolutely hilarious phone call today, telling me that I was in the CIA and knew hitmen. Sorry, I don’t know any hitmen. I wasn’t in the CIA. In fact, I don’t know anyone in the CIA even today. I know folks in the NSA, in NIMA, and some other acronym agencies no doubt, but nobody in the CIA.

I was in military intelligence for 12 years. You know how much excitement I saw? None. I read some cool stuff, heard a few interesting things on the radio, but never saw or did anything cool. Sure, going into a blast-proof bunker 3 stories underground may sound neat, but it was just another dark air-conditioned room full of computers and geeks.

Today, I work for a defense contractor and still talk to intelligence geeks. Yesterday and today I had to assist in briefing some high muckety-mucks from D.C. My job was clicking the button to make the powerpoint slides advance on cue. I’m an overpaid audio-visual lab geek now. At least they pay me more than the army did.

But, I still don’t know who to call to have someone killed. Hell, I only got to fire my rifle in the army annually.

Last month, I hung around with Special Forces Command geeks (not green berets, the support team), next month I get to hang around with imagery geeks, in August or September I get to go on a ship and hang around with signal geeks. Lots of geeks, still no James Bond. We’re mainly really mild-mannered, bespectacled dweebs. You know the guys that read Slashdot at work? That’s us.

Sorry to burst anyone’s bubble. Real life is actually a lot duller than fiction in this case.
current_music: Joe Walsh – I Like Big Tits
current_mood: amused

Posted By: Gary
Last Edit: 27 Jun 2002 @ 11:20 PM

Categories: Personal


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