This isn’t all new material, and I just got it from the HumourNet Newsletter, so I’m even plagiarizing old jokes, but I just thought it was perfect:
You are 100% Texan if…
1. It doesn’t bother you to use an airport named for a man who died in an airplane crash.
2. You use the phrase “fixin’ to” almost daily.
3. Someone you know has used a football schedule to plan their wedding date.
4. You’ve ever been excused from school because “the cows got out.”
5. You can properly pronounce the town Mexia, Waxahachie and Mesquite.
6. You can remember the name of the last state legislator to introduce a bill involving castration and he didn’t mean farm animals.
7. You know exactly what calf fries are and eat them anyway.
8. You can recall really hot summers by the year they happened easier than you can remember your mother’s birthday.
9. You think that people who complain about the wind in their states are sissies.
10. You know that the true value of a parking space is not determined by the distance to the door but the availability of shade.
11. You have owned at least one belt buckle bigger than your fist.
12. A bad traffic jam involves two cars staring each other down at four-way stop, each determined to be the most polite and let the other one go first.
13. When you hear a tornado siren, you go out and look for a funnel.
14. Your “place at the lake” has wheels under it.
15. You aren’t surprised to find movie rental, ammunition, and bait all in the same store.
16. A Mercedes Benz is not a status symbol. A Ford F350 4×4 is.
17. You know that everything goes better with Ranch.
18. You learned how to shoot a gun before you learned how to multiply.
19. You know that “y’all” is singular and “all y’all” is plural.
20. You are 100% Texan if you have ever had this conversation:
“You wanna Coke?”