That stupid email about Claire and Brad (VERY LONG)

OK, I’ve had a few people now ask me if I’ve got a copy of the infamous “Brad the Cad” email from Britain. Oddly, I hadn’t looked for it until they asked. But, naturally (I’m so smoove), I was able to acquire a copy (thank you DejaNews). So, without much further ado and such, here is the email in question, with a whole shitload of forwards.

Isabel Lilley on 14/12/2000 11:05:09

Subject: Eureka

poor girl !!!
13/12/2000 10:54

———————- Forwarded by Isabel Lilley/LON/GB/JHMarsh/MMC
on
13 December 2000, 10:54 Wednesday —————————
Memo from Simon Woodward on 14 December 2000, 10:45 Thursday
Subject: Eureka

thought you lot might be interested in this ………………….

———————- Forwarded by Haley Penneck/TD/GB/SUMITOMO on
14/12/2000
10:13 —————————

Jon Seaton on 14/12/2000 10:07:49

Subject: FW: The Search for Claire Swire

Forwarded by Jon Seaton/TD/GB/SUMITOMO on 14/12/2000 10:16

Subject: FW: The Search for Claire Swire

The long awaited reply

> —–Original Message—–
> From: Doyle, Mike
> Sent: 12 December 2000 16:18
> Subject: FW: The Search for Claire Swire
>
> More yet
> —–Original Message—–
> From: Casben, Tim
> Sent: Tuesday, 12 December 2000 15:58
> Subject: FW: The Search for Claire Swire
>
> —–Original Message—–
> From: Claire Swires [mailto:Claire@sssh.freeserve.co.uk]
> Sent: Monday, December 11, 2000 10:46 PM
> Subject: Thought you guys might want to see this rather splendid
> rejoiner. What a girl!
>
>
> You may be one of the people who has been ‘privileged’ to receive a rather
> childish e-mail which has been doing the rounds from my time at Norton
> Rose.
> For the record: yes I exist; yes I used to work at Norton Rose; and yes I
> told a guy his cum was “yum”. But for God’s sake, grow up! It was yum!
> I’m not ashamed of that. And for all you guys who thought this was all a
> hoot, let me ask you this: which one of you has never told a girl that your cum
> tastes great or that its full of proteins/good for your hair/excellent
> skin conditioner etc etc or basically any old lie which gets your girl for the
> night to take it in the mouth? So don’t laugh at me, but rather laugh at
> yourself for the pathetic lengths to which you are prepared to go in order
> to get yourself a lousy blow job from some syphilitic ridden piece of scrag.
> Have a great day. And by the way, working for Norton Rose sucks more than
> I could ever manage!!
>
> —–Original Message—–
> From: Quinlan Harriet
> Sent: 12 December 2000 15:22 PM
> Subject: FW: The Search for Claire Swire
>
> This is awful but I feel compelled to send it on to the very few in my
> address list who may find it funny. You need to read beyond the crap joke
> at the bottom.
>
> Does anybody know a Claire Swire?
>
> —–Original Message—–
> From: Byrne Claire
> Sent: 12 December 2000 14:45
> Subject: FW: The Search for Claire Swire
>
> this is your worst nightmare
> (but quite funny)
>
> ps caroline – spotted Vic Man somewhere below! (don’t know if the same one)
>
> —–Original Message—–
> From: Levell Katie
> Sent: 12 December 2000 14:11
> Subject: The Search for Claire Swire
>
> when you have a moment check this out – poor girl!
> scroll down and start from the bottom and all read comments on the way
> up…..
>
> —–Original Message—–
> From: Tim Levell
> Sent: 12 December 2000 11:48
> Subject: FW: The search for Claire Swires – this is hilarious; anybody
> know her?
>
> no comment
> > —–Original Message—–
> > From: Rachel Evans-CHILDRENS
> > Sent: 12 December 2000 11:10
> > Subject: FW: The search for Claire Swires – this is hilarious;
> > anybody know her?
> >
> > This is the kind of filth my friends send me of a morning – it gets really
> > long but is very funny! Scroll up from bottom…
> >
> > —–Original Message—–
> > From: Cockerill Chris
> > Sent: Tuesday, December 12, 2000 10:23 AM
> > Subject: FW: The search for Claire Swires – this is hilarious;
> > anybody know her?
> >
> > Scroll up from the bottom. Very funny. This girl will die if she is ever
> > found.
> >
> > Chris Cockerill
> >
> > ———-
> > From: Jane Yates
> > Sent: Tuesday, December 12, 2000 10:06 am
> > Subject: FW: The search for Claire Swires – this is
hilarious;
> > anybody know her?
> >
> > > start from the joke at the bottom and scroll up – warning to all girls,
> > > never admit anything on e-mail!
> > >
> > > ———-
> > > From: Simon.Hamill
> > > Sent: Tuesday, December 12, 2000 9:20 am
> > > Subject: FW: The search for Claire Swires – this is hilarious;
> > > anybody know her?
> > >
> > > Scroll down to the bottom and work your way up. There’s a moral to this
> > > story….
> > >
> > > —–Original Message—–
> > > From: mathew.kelsall
> > > Sent: 12 December 2000 08:54
> > > Subject: FW: The search for Claire Swires – this is hilarious;
> > > anybody know her?
> > >
> > > ———————- Forwarded by Matt Kelsall/Audit/Guildford/GB/PKF
> > on 12/12/2000 08:58 AM —————————
> > >
> > > Simon Taylor
> > > 11/12/2000 02:13 PM
> > >
> > > Subject: FW: The search for Claire Swires – this is hilarious;
> > > anybody know her?
> > >
> > > ———————- Forwarded by Simon Taylor/Audit/Guildford/GB/PKF
> > on11/12/2000 14:17 —————————
> > >
> > > Andrew.Kocen on 11/12/2000 12:08:57
> > > Subject: FW: The search for Claire Swires – this is hilarious;
> > > anybody know her?
> > >
> > > Read the joke at the bottom, then messages from the bottom up….poor
> > > lass. And some of the recent people it’s been forwarded to make
> > > interesting reading.
> > > —–Original Message—–
> > > From: Nicholas.Walmsley
> > > Sent: 11 December 2000 11:31
> > > Subject: FW: The search for Claire Swires – this is hilarious;
> > > anybody know her?
> > >
> > > Read from the bottom and see the number of people who have read
> > > this…….
> > > —–Original Message—–
> > > From: Oppenheim, Doug (London)
> > > Sent: 11 December 2000 11:16
> > > Subject: FW: The search for Claire Swires
> > >
> > > most amusing – worth spending some time sifting through this
> > > > —–Original Message—–
> > > > From: Mark Gill
> > > > Sent: Monday, December 11, 2000 11:16 AM
> > > > Subject: Fw: The search for Claire Swires
> > > >
> > > > Anyone know Claire Swires?
> > > >
> > > > If not, still worth reading this from the bottom, and do be careful
> > > what you send people in future!
> > > >
> > > > —– Original Message —–
> > > > From: Jamie.Thomas
> > > > Sent: 11 December 2000 10:35
> > > > Subject: The search for Claire Swires
> > > >
> > > > > start at the bottom and read up –
> > > > >
> > > > > Subject: FW: The search for Claire Swires
> > > > >
> > > > > Does anyone know Claire Swires? – she has become a little infamous.
> > > I think she may be at Norton Rose. Read from the bottom up.
> > > > >
> > > > > For everyone in the UK – its stinking hot in Sydney at the moment.
> > > > >
> > > > > —–Original Message—–
> > > > > From: Georgiou, Andrew
> > > > > Sent: Monday, 11 December 2000 2:22:PM
> > > > > Subject: FW: The search for Claire Swires
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > > Mallesons Stephen Jaques
> > > > > Confidential communication
> > > > >
> > > > > Classy stuff, read from the bottom up.
> > > > >
> > > > > —–Original Message—–
> > > > > From: Curran, Jeremy
> > > > > Sent: Monday, 11 December 2000 1:24:PM
> > > > > Subject: FW: The search for Claire Swires
> > > > >
> > > > > absolutely tremendous – this chick is copping an absolute
> > > international
> > > > > pizzling… all in the space of one weekend
> > > > >
> > > > > start from the bottom and work up. SHE MUST BE FOUND
> > > > >
> > > > > —–Original Message—–
> > > > > From: Marshall, Simone
> > > > > Sent: Monday, 11 December 2000 1:38:AM
> > > > > Subject: FW: The search for Claire Swires
> > > > >
> > > > > Must say, I hope this girls hair is looking good cause her
> > > reputation is
> > > > > certainly in tatters! And as for her taste in men – its almost as
> > > bad as her taste in….
> > > > > Start at the bottom and scroll up!
> > > > >
> > > > > —–Original Message—–
> > > > > From: Fisher, Heath
> > > > > Sent: Monday, 11 December 2000 12:24:PM
> > > > > Subject: FW: The search for Claire Swires
> > > > >
> > > > > Read from the bottom up.
> > > > >
> > > > > —–Original Message—–
> > > > > From: Maasland, Tom TCIM
> > > > > Sent: Monday, 11 December 2000 10:30:AM
> > > > > Subject: FW: The search for Claire Swires
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > > This is great! Read the joke at the very bottom and then the ones
> > > > directly above. Claire Swires must be found…
> > > > >
> > > > > NZ’s underway how about Australia as well… get it moving boys!!
> > > > >
> > > > > —–Original Message—–
> > > > > From: Bishop, James JIB
> > > > > Sent: Monday, 11 December 2000 12:13
> > > > > Subject: FW: The search for Claire Swires
> > > > >
> > > > > Read joke at the bottom and read up. What a great chick.
> > > > >
> > > > > —–Original Message—–
> > > > > From: Horner Blair (SGLAW)
> > > > > Sent: Monday, 11 December 2000 11:55
> > > > > Subject: FW: The search for Claire Swires
> > > > >
> > > > > read the joke at the bottom and read up – poor girl.
> > > > >
> > > > > —–Original Message—–
> > > > > From: Richardson Hannah (SGLAW)
> > > > > Sent: Monday, 11 December 2000 11:42 am
> > > > > Subject: FW: The search for Claire Swires
> > > > >
> > > > > —–Original Message—–
> > > > > From: Sarah Udy
> > > > > Sent: Monday, 11 December 2000 11:29 am
> > > > > Subject: FW: The search for Claire Swires
> > > > >
> > > > > How terrible is this? Worst nightmare.
> > > > >
> > > > > Start at bottom and read up.
> > > > >
> > > > > —–Original Message—–
> > > > > From: Christopher Flatt
> > > > > Sent: Monday, 11 December 2000 11:20
> > > > > Subject: FW: The search for Claire Swires
> > > > >
> > > > > this is very funny read the joke at the very bottom and then scroll up
> > > > > ….the search for Claire Swires
> > > > >
> > > > > then forward it on…..so it finally gets back to her
> > > > >
> > > > > —–Original Message—–
> > > > > From: Nick Lodder
> > > > > Sent: Monday, 11 December 2000 10:35
> > > > > Subject: The search for Claire Swires
> > > > >
> > > > > this is funny read the joke at the bottom and then scroll up
> > > > > ….the search for Claire Swires
> > > > >
> > > > > then forward it on…..so it finally gets back to her
> > > > >
> > > > > —–Original Message—–
> > > > > From: Mike Clayton
> > > > > Sent: Monday, 11 December 2000 10:30 am
> > > > > To: Suzanne Westgate; AKL Grads
> > > > > Subject: RE:
> > > > >
> > > > > Butler, do you know this girl?
> > > > >
> > > > > —–Original Message—–
> > > > > From: Suzanne Westgate
> > > > > Sent: Monday, 11 December 2000 10:25 AM
> > > > > To: AKL Grads; AKL Summer Clerks
> > > > > Subject: FW:
> > > > >
> > > > > start at the bottom of this email then scroll up for some serious
> > > > > cringe material. You dear wee summer clerks, let this serve as a warning
> > > > > of the perils of emailing your secrets!
> > > > >
> > > > > —–Original Message—–
> > > > > From: Nicholson Alex amn
> > > > > Sent: Monday, 11 December 2000 10:15
> > > > > Subject: FW:
> > > > >
> > > > > Oh dear.
> > > > >
> > > > > —–Original Message—–
> > > > > From: Baker Miranda MAB
> > > > > Sent: Monday, 11 December 2000 10:05
> > > > > Subject: FW:
> > > > >
> > > > > oh dear this poor girl – why some things should not be sent in an
> > > > email…
> > > > >
> > > > > —–Original Message—–
> > > > > From: King, Matt MQK
> > > > > Sent: Monday, 11 December 2000 9:21
> > > > > Subject: FW:
> > > > >
> > > > > Start at bottom with the joke and then check out the confession
> > > > > from Claire Swires. This has gone all over London. Now let’s make it NZ.
> > > > >
> > > > > —–Original Message—–
> > > > > From: Sarch, Patrick
> > > > > Sent: Saturday, 9 December 2000 5:58
> > > > > Subject: FW:
> > > > >
> > > > > check this out – worth the effort…start at the bottom
> > > > > Norton Rose is a ruthless place to be
> > > > >
> > > > > —–Original Message—–
> > > > > From: Stephens, Sarah
> > > > > Sent: Friday, December 08, 2000 4:48 PM
> > > > > Subject: FW:
> > > > >
> > > > > —–Original Message—–
> > > > > From: Alison Bunting
> > > > > Sent: 08 December 2000 16:25
> > > > > Subject: FW:
> > > > >
> > > > > —–Original Message—–
> > > > > From: Jonathan Parry
> > > > > Sent: 08 December 2000 16:12
> > > > > Subject: FW:
> > > > >
> > > > > —–Original Message—–
> > > > > From: Jonathan Parry
> > > > > Sent: 08 December 2000 16:10
> > > > > Subject:
> > > > >
> > > > > Watch what you confess in your e-mails. Scroll down read the joke
> > > > > followed by “Claire Swires'” frank confession (which is now being thrown
> > > > > all over the information super-highway). Anyone ever heard of her?
> > > > >
> > > > > —–Original Message—–
> > > > > From: Nick Jefferson
> > > > > Sent: 08 December 2000 15:38
> > > > > Subject: FW: Where is Claire Squires?
> > > > >
> > > > > —–Original Message—–
> > > > > From: Paul Armstrong
> > > > > Sent: 08 December 2000 15:38
> > > > > Subject: FW: Where is Claire Squires?
> > > > >
> > > > > Read the jokes and then scroll up to see the unfortunate response from
> > > > > claire swires and begin the hunt to return the Email to it’s owner
> > > > >
> > > > > —–Original Message—–
> > > > > From: Paul Hinton
> > > > > Sent: 08 December 2000 14:12
> > > > > Subject: FW: “yours was yum”
> > > > > Read the jokes and then scroll up to see the unfoirtunate response from
> > > > > claire swires and begin the hunt to return the Email to it’s owner
> > > > > > —–Original Message—–
> > > > > > From: Poole, Charlotte
> > > > > > Sent: Friday, December 08, 2000 2:09 PM
> > > > > > Subject: FW: “yours was yum”
> > > > > >
> > > > > > amusing scroll down
> > > > > > —–Original Message—–
> > > > > > From: Malhotra, Samidha
> > > > > > Sent: Friday, December 08, 2000 1:55 PM
> > > > > > Subject: FW: “yours was yum”
> > > > > >
> > > > > > I know its mean, but v funny…poor girl!!
> > > > > >
> > > > > > > —–Original Message—–
> > > > > > > From: David.Clark
> > > > > > > Sent: 08 December 2000 11:26
> > > > > > > Subject: FW: “yours was yum”
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > scroll – the jokes are at the very bottom, but the real value is
> > > > > > > the e-mails from Ms. Swire a bit further up
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > —–Original Message—–
> > > > > > > From: Nicholas.Coddington
> > > > > > > Sent: 07 December 2000 17:22
> > > > > > > Subject: FW: “yours was yum”
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > This is good.
> > > > > > > It’s Loreal, but I’m worth it
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > —–Original Message—–
> > > > > > > From: Marshall, Joanna (TR)
> > > > > > > Sent: Thursday, December 07, 2000 6:16 PM
> > > > > > > Subject: FW: “yours was yum”
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > This has apparently been going round Norton Rose. Very funny!
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > —–Original Message—–
> > > > > > > From: Ferri, David
> > > > > > > Sent: Thursday, December 07, 2000 6:07 PM
> > > > > > > Subject: FW: “yours was yum”
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > one of the best emails i’ve seen in yonks!!
> > > > > > > HUNT HER DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > —–Original Message—–
> > > > > > > From: Falkner, Claire
> > > > > > > Sent: 07 December 2000 19:56
> > > > > > > Subject: RE: “yours was yum”
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > and she just doesn’t look like that type of girl – you can’t
> > > trust anyone, can you?
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > —–Original Message—–
> > > > > > > From: Hames, Joel
> > > > > > > Sent: 07 December 2000 16:55
> > > > > > > Subject: RE: “yours was yum”
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > >
> > > > > >
> > > >
> > >
> >
> <
http://www.google.com/search?q=cache:community.icollector.com/++%22clair
>
> >
> > > e+
> > > > > > > sw
> > > > > > > ire%22&hl=en
> > > > > > > found her
> > > > >
> > > > > > > —–Original Message—–
> > > > > > > From: Ferri, David
> > > > > > > Sent: 07 December 2000 16:50
> > > > > > > Subject: RE: “yours was yum”
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > what a top lass
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > let’s start a campaign to find her
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > —–Original Message—–
> > > > > > > From: Falkner, Claire
> > > > > > > Sent: 07 December 2000 19:35
> > > > > > > Subject: RE: “yours was yum”
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > just found the same thing – still, how many swires are there in
> > > this city?
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > —–Original Message—–
> > > > > > > From: Drummond, Edward
> > > > > > > Sent: 07 December 2000 16:34
> > > > > > > Subject: RE: “yours was yum”
> > > > > > >
> > > she isn’t NR actually now I’ve looked for her name on internal
> > > directory.
> > > So we don’t know her email address.
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > —–Original Message—–
> > > > > > > From: Falkner, Claire
> > > > > > > Sent: 07 December 2000 16:33
> > > > > > > Subject: RE: “yours was yum”
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > has anyone else been tempted to forward this back to her?
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > —–Original Message—–
> > > > > > > From: Drummond, Edward
> > > > > > > Sent: 07 December 2000 16:31
> > > > > > > Subject: RE: “yours was yum”
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > they are all NR
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > —–Original Message—–
> > > > > > > From: Driver, Robert
> > > > > > > Sent: 07 December 2000 16:31
> > > > > > > Subject: RE: “yours was yum”
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > who are these people? do they work at NR
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > —–Original Message—–
> > > > > > > From: Drummond, Edward
> > > > > > > Sent: 07 December 2000 16:28
> > > > > > > Subject: FW: “yours was yum”
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > beggars belief. I feel honour bound to circulate this.
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > —–Original Message—–
> > > > > > > From: Chait, Bradley
> > > > > > > Sent: 07 December 2000 16:25
> > > > > > > Subject: “yours was yum”
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > now THAT’S a nice compliment from a lass, isn’t it?
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > —–Original Message—–
> > > > > > > From: Claire Swire
> > > > > > > Sent: 07 December 2000 16:12
> > > > > > > To: Chait, Bradley
> > > > > > > Subject: RE:
> > > > > > >
> > > I hadn’t swallowed for years but yours was yum and very good for me too!
> > > Apparently it’s very good conditioner for your hair too…getting a
> > > funny picture in my head, giggling out loud and now having to explain
> > > to Dave what’s so funny!
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > —–Original Message—–
> > > > > > > From: Chait, Bradley
> > > > > > > Sent: 07 December 2000 16:10
> > > > > > > To: ‘Claire Swire’
> > > > > > > Subject: RE:
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > Not ALL the time I hope
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > (or so you would have me believe)
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > —–Original Message—–
> > > > > > > From: Claire Swire
> > > > > > > Sent: 07 December 2000 16:07
> > > > > > > To: Chait, Bradley
> > > > > > > Subject: RE:
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > lucky I swallow so that wont be happening to me!
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > —–Original Message—–
> > > > > > > From: Chait, Bradley
> > > > > > > Sent: 07 December 2000 16:06
> > > > > > > To: ‘Claire Swire’
> > > > > > > Subject: RE:
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > cute
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > —–Original Message—–
> > > > > > > From: Claire Swire
> > > > > > > Sent: 07 December 2000 15:53
> > > > > > > To: Adrian James (E-mail); Benny Shipley (E-mail); Chait, Bradley;
> > > > > > > Caroline
> > > > > > > Scotson (E-mail); Chris May (E-mail); Ellie Thorneycroft (E-mail);
> > > > > > > Mark de st croix (E-mail); Matt Metos (E-mail); Pete Kenyon (E-mail);
> > > > > > > Toby Clarke (E-mail)
> > > > > > > Subject:
> > > > > > >
> > > A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun.
> > >
> > > He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault.
> > > She says “But sir, its just a sperm bank!”,
> > > “I don’t care, open it now!!!” he replies.
> > > So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples.
> > > The guy says “Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!”.
> > > She looks at him “BUT, they are sperm samples???”.
> > > “DO IT!”.
> > > So the nurse sucks it back.
> > > “That one there, drink that one as well.”
> > > So the nurse drinks that one as well.
> > > Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says,
> > > “See honey – its not that hard.”

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Gary

Random gibberish from my mind, mostly dealing with technology, cooking, politics, and my family. Occasional cat posts - be warned.