29 Oct 2010 @ 1:35 PM 

Halloween is this weekend, and with it come all the various modern changes to the traditional Trick or Treat. We have “Trunk or Treat” where kids wander a parking lot. We have “Safe Trick or Treat” where kids¬†make a lethargic loop of the mall, behind a veritable conga-line of hundreds of other children. We have a bunch of sanctioned, known-safe haunted houses. We don’t have the near-universal Trick-or-Treat participation that most of us adults remember from our own childhoods, though. Although to watch any evening news broadcast would lead you to believe we live in a ridiculously dangerous time, the opposite is really true.

The rate of violent crimes is the lowest it has been since 1973, the rate of property crimes the lowest since 1968. Children are almost never kidnapped by anyone, and when they are it’s almost always by a non-custodial parent (about evenly split between women and men). The only time a child has been poisoned by Halloween candy, it was his own father who gave it to him to collect the life insurance money (father of the year was executed in 1984).

If you’re avoiding taking your rugrats out to beg for candy because you think your neighbors are going to try to kill them, don’t worry.¬† Have fun, try not to eat so much sugar in one sitting, and have a great weekend!

Posted By: Gary
Last Edit: 29 Oct 2010 @ 01:35 PM

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Categories: Food, News, Stupid People


 

Responses to this post » (2 Total)

 
  1. m says:

    shit my kids are defintely going trick or treating the old fashion way -that is the only way I roll and plus I need my kids to get out there and pimp me some candy!!! and how else do you tire them out -they need to run the streets-LOL

  2. Rachel says:

    Well, in a move that I think was more “LAZY FAT-ASS” than “protective mother,” I witnessed a woman driving her kids door to door in her minivan last year. Ugh.

Post a Reply to Rachel

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